Today sucked

Today was a really weird day...I was sitting in court watching the trial of Charles Darnay and then he was aquitted. The jury was convinced that he looks exactly like me. I hate Charles. We do not look similar. I went right to the tavern right after that. But dang, people need to stop caring what I do with my life. Its really anonoying...why can I not just do what I want without people asking or judging me??? Then Stryver tries asking me about Lucie... Definitely not going to open that can of worms even if he prys. I was drunk though so who knows what I could have told him. I would never tell a soul about my feelings for Lucie...except for maybe Lucie herself but even that is a long shot. Lucie is such golden haired doll though. She would never think of me as someone good enough for her though. I know I am not good enough..Everyone knows that. I do not work hard in anything I do and no one could ever see me differently. I am not worth anyone's time. Life right now is just horrible. Lucie keeps popping into my mind...I really just need to build up the courage to talk to her right now.